Moving on after a miscarriage: my 7 tips to help you heal. 

 

If you’re familiar with me or my blog you will know that I suffered recurrent miscarriages in 2014. I’ve been through hell and back, lived through every emotion possible and have shared my journey to motherhood here.

Here are my 7 tips that helped me to start to heal and recover following a miscarriage.

1.) Give yourself time to heal – Do not expect too much too soon. Having a miscarriage is painful both mentally and physically and takes time to recover. So take as much as you need.

2.) Do not be afraid to grieve – It is important to grieve properly and release the emotions that you are feeling. You have lost a baby and it is okay to acknowledge that. Try writing your thoughts and feelings down on paper or talk things through with someone.

3.) Be kind to yourself – Do not force yourself to be back to normal straight away. Task yourself with your own healing and indulge in some self-care: eat well, do some gentle exercise – perhaps a walk outside, have a nice bath or get your hair done. These things won’t make you feel completely yourself or happy again but they will help you to start healing.

4.) Be proactive – I found that after I was physically healed getting out helped me by seeing family and friends and eventually getting back to work. Having something to do helped to take my mind off things and start looking to the future.

5.) Seek help and support – There is plenty of support available. Go to your GP if you feel you would benefit from some counselling (I regret not doing so) or seek support online. There are great websites out there full of information to help and guide you through this. I have added some links to the bottom of the page.

6.) Acknowledge the loss – This is very individual and personal but I have found that it really helped me to heal. Some ideas could be naming a star after your little one, getting a tattoo, lighting a candle, releasing a balloon, planting a rose bush or writing your loss in the hospitals book of remembrance. These are just a few examples of what you could do if you wanted to.

I myself got this tattoo saying “I carry you in my heart” for the babies I lost.

Many hospitals do a service for families who have lost babies and this is something that could also help you acknowledge your baby. I felt that by me attending this, it was my way of saying goodbye and acted like closure for me. The babies I had lost were not forgotten but I had acknowledged them and could then move on. I still light a candle for them on their expected birthdays too.

7.) Remember its okay to not be okay – Losing a baby really hurts, it’s not fair and it is perfectly acceptable to be angry. It is okay to be jealous of other pregnant women and bitter when their babies are born. You are not a horrible person, it’s normal when you are grieving and it will pass. The pain will dull and you will start feeling yourself again soon.

Moving on after miscarriage doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten about your baby at all. I carry my babies in my heart everywhere I go and although I don’t think of them that often anymore, they are always with me.

Moving on after a miscarriage requires time and there is no right or wrong way to deal with it; just remember you are not alone and there is plenty of support to help you should you need it.

Send me an email if you would like any support and look on the websites listed below. Do you have any further tips for healing after a miscarriage? I’d love to hear back from you.

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
https://www.sayinggoodbye.org
https://www.uk-sands.org

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